Are you able to be a mixture of two Tendencies?
Many individuals argue that they’re a mixture of two Tendencies. This sounds wise. And it additionally sounds wise to suppose that “I’m X at dwelling, and Y at work.” However from my statement, that’s probably not true. Every time I sit down with somebody who says she or he is a combination, and put them by way of some questions, I discover that (in my opinion), that particular person is definitely firmly inside one class.
Listed below are some widespread combos, and why individuals suppose they’re a combination, and the way you may give it some thought.
In the event you suppose you’re an Obliger/Insurgent: There’s a really robust affinity between Rebels and Obligers. It’s quite common for Obligers to expertise “Obliger-rebellion,” a hanging sample during which each on occasion, they abruptly refuse to fulfill an expectation. As one Obliger defined, “Typically I ‘snap’ as a result of I get uninterested in individuals making assumptions that I’ll all the time do issues as anticipated. It’s kind of a rebellious means of asserting myself.” One other added, “I work very laborious to maintain my commitments to different individuals, however I’ll be darned if I can preserve a promise to myself . . . Although each on occasion I’ll completely refuse to please.”
Obligers can also insurgent in symbolic methods, with their hair, garments, automotive, and the like. As an illustration, Andre Agassi is an Obliger, and in his memoir Open, he describes methods during which he would Obliger-rebel (although he doesn’t use that time period, in fact).
In the event you suppose you’re a Questioner/Upholder or Questioner/Rebel: Questioners are available in two flavors: some Questioners lean towards Upholder, and others lean towards Insurgent (like being “Virgo with Scorpio rising”). As an illustration, my husband questions all the things, but it surely’s not too laborious to steer him to uphold; different Questioners ask so many query that they’re virtually Rebels, as a result of it’s so laborious to persuade them to do something. However they act from a questioning spirit, not a rebelling spirit.
In the event you suppose you’re an Upholder/Obliger: Upholders and Obligers share an inclination to fulfill outer expectations, so in that means, they’re certainly very a lot the identical. The important thing distinction is: Are you able to meet an expectation you impose on your self, that nobody else is aware of or cares about? In the event you wrestle to fulfill these expectations, you’re an Obliger. It’s true that some Obligers have such a large sense of exterior expectation that it nearly seems to be like an internal expectation: “I’ve to do that as a result of ‘they’ say I’ve to” when the “they” is society at giant; or “that is what individuals must do do.” However, in my framework, they’re responding to an outer expectation. Only a few individuals are Upholders; many, many individuals are Obligers.
You’ll be able to’t discern Tendency from the skin
An essential notice: It’s not potential to discern individuals’s Tendencies from their exterior habits; it’s additionally mandatory to grasp their reasoning. As an illustration, one Obliger advised me, “I’m an Obliger. I appeared like a Insurgent in faculty, however I used to be doing precisely the rebellious issues that my mates anticipated of me.” A pal stated, “I’m a Questioner. However I’ve had numerous experiences the place the principles had been so silly that I appeared like a Insurgent, as a result of I refused to do what anybody asks me.”
Additionally, there’s an unlimited vary of persona, even amongst individuals who share the identical Tendency. Some individuals are kind of thoughtful than others, or formidable, or conscientious, or judgmental, or controlling, or thrill-seeking. These qualities dramatically affect how they specific their Tendencies. A Insurgent who desires to be a profitable enterprise chief will behave otherwise from one who doesn’t care a lot about work. A Questioner who could be very considerate can have completely different habits from one who doesn’t fear a lot about different individuals’s consolation or issues. I’ve an Obliger pal who’s tremendously analytical and intellectually curious. So she questions all the things…however in relation to what she does, she’s an Obliger.
Bear in mind, too, this framework has to do with how we meet an expectation, not a requirement. Once we should do one thing, we do it—even Rebels. My Insurgent pal began sporting his seat-belt after he received two enormous fines. An Obliger may give up smoking, on her personal. Nobody desires to get fired.
No matter our Tendency, all of us share a need for autonomy. If our feeling of being managed by others turns into too robust, it may set off the phenomenon of “reactance,” a resistance to one thing that’s skilled as a menace to our freedom or our skill to decide on. If we’re ordered to do one thing, we could resist it—even when it’s one thing that we’d in any other case need to do.
And nobody likes to be requested to do one thing arbitrary or irrational. The need to know why we should always do one thing, to have justifications for our efforts, is pure. The truth that you query whether or not it is best to must do one thing that appears mindless doesn’t essentially imply you’re a Questioner. Once more, what issues is what we do, and why we do it.
Can you alter your 4 Tendencies sort?
From what I’ve noticed, our Tendencies are hardwired, and whereas they are often offset to some extent, they will’t be modified.
But no matter our Tendency, with larger expertise and maturity, we will be taught to counterbalance its damaging elements. As an Upholder, for example, I’ve realized to withstand my first inclination to fulfill an expectation unthinkingly, and to ask, “Why am I assembly this expectation, anyway?” Questioners be taught to place a restrict on their questioning; Obligers determine how one can give themselves exterior accountability; Rebels select to do issues as a result of they’ve realized the implications of not doing them, or out of consideration for others.
Studying to make the very best of our personal nature is knowledge.